Dear C-section mama’s, you are not a failure!
I see you mama. I have felt your pain, your darkness, your guilt, and your disconnection.
It took me years to heal from my first traumatic c-section. I remember feeling absolutely hopeless as I was wheeled into the OR room after hours of labor. I knew it would be painful, all surgery was in some way. But I had no idea I was about to go through the most pain I had ever endured. My spinal only took effect on half of my side so the remaining side of my body I felt as they began. ALL OF IT. I was shaking and historically crying. I could feel every little movement they made. Even after telling the doctors and nurses something wasn’t right, they continued to assure me it would be quick. They wouldn’t listen. It broke me and left me with a deep scar that not only I wear on my stomach, but inside.
Then came comments…
“You didn’t actually give birth”
“Oh, you had it easy”
“Recovery isn’t that bad”
“Must be nice you got to have a c-section instead of do it natural”
We didn’t choose the “easy” way out. No mother does when she goes in for a c-section. Like so many other mothers, I had to do what I needed in order to hold my precious baby.
We are stolen our “perfect” birthing experience. The first few moments of holding our sweet babies after the final push are taken from us, and like myself, many of us don’t even get a glimpse of our sweet baby till many minutes after.
No matter if you gave birth vaginal or cesarean, it is still birth! You are no less of a mother. You may envy those beautiful photos of vaginal birth you see on the internet, but sweet mama never forget us c-section mamas are warriors too! We may not have had our perfect birthing experience or pushed our babies out, but we had great courage and strength as we laid on that OR table to undergo surgery to be able to safely hold our babies. No matter the type of birth, it is a miracle of life and we are powerful!
As National Caesarian Month comes to an end, never forget that birth = birth no matter how our love brought our babies into the world.