Many people looked at me getting pregnant young as if it was ruining my life. To me though, it is when my life began.
The room went silent. I looked over as the ultrasound tech had a concentrated face thinking a million things at once. I had come in to have my cysts checked after being sick and in pain, what more could be wrong? She had me turn to the side and continued on with strange look on her face. She asked me when my last period was but to be honest having PCOS, they came from time to time sometimes going months without showing up. Why was she asking me that? Then it hit me… She looked over and told me I was a little shy of 7 weeks pregnant.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to hide in a hole. How? Obviously I knew how babies happened but how? And why? Why me, I had just graduated high school 2 weeks before and had a relationship that was barely hanging on by a thread. She handed me the ultrasound picture and it hit me like a ton of bricks. That little baby was mine and I was going to be a mother at 18 years old. I grabbed my clothes, threw on my shoes, and walked out the hallway. I called and called trying to get ahold of my boyfriend. No answer. I pushed the ultrasound into my wallet pocket and walked down to my dad who was waiting in the truck. We had a long ride ahead of us and I was sick not just from finding out, but because I had no idea what I was going to do. The next month was a trial. I had a dead end job, a few days later got dumped, and felt so alone. Friends I thought I could trust went behind my back. It was some of my lowest lows. Yet, I also just knew that we were going to be okay. I remember laying down for bed and putting my hand on my stomach, no more than 10 weeks along. I felt this deep love and security even though I felt lost and unsure of what the future would have in store for us. A few days later, I began talking to Matthew again and he asked to plan on time to meet up and talk. I was nervous but wanted my family. I grew up with divorced parents and by the time I was 12, my mother got married for the 3rd time. Although I truly feel like you can find your soulmate at anytime, I had never grown up seeing a healthy, stable relationship. Did a happy, healthy family even exist? We decided to work on us and although I was a skeptical, things began to turn around for us. We began to grow into a couple again but this time different. More mature in a sense, but also two people learning their way into parenthood. When I was 36 weeks along the doctors made the decision to induce at 37 weeks due to my Lupus and difficult pregnancy. We went into the hospital on the night of February 2nd and began the induction process. Oh was I scared..
After 16 hours of labor and over an hour trying to move him from the pelvic bone/hip dip as the doctor called it, we were sent in for an emergency c-section. Now even for being 18, I had previous surgeries and thought I knew pain. That night would prove me wrong. I shook so bad from the pain and bad spinal, I honesty began screaming at one point. He were so much bigger than they believed so they had trouble getting him out with the smaller incision. But then he were here… 8 pounds 13.5 oz of pure perfection. That day my life changed forever. The moment they laid him by my side I knew it was my destiny. No matter the fact I was 18 and young, I knew that I had been hand picked to be a mother.
No matter how young a women becomes a mom, it does not define her or her parenting.
Growing up, I always wanted to go to college and live the “American dream”. School, job, Prince Charming, and after start a family. I dreamt of becoming a teacher and maybe even living on the beach. I did always have a passion for children but definitely didn’t think I would be “that” girl who got pregnant at 18. I still remember the looks and comments from people. All the friends that began distancing themselves like it was a disease and then eventually just all together stopped talking to me. I remember the looks on the nurses face when they realized how young I was or the doctors thinking I had no idea what I was talking about since I was young. I think even doctors tend to forget that no matter the age, it does not define your parenting abilities. I can still flashback to sitting in Macyn’s pediatric office when he was just a wee newborn and the doctor looking at me as I voiced my concerns like I was some naive little girl playing house. As blunt as that sounds, I think that is one of the hardest things I ever faced as a teen mom. The pressure and questioning from others all because of my age. My age had nothing to do with the type of mother I was, if anything in a sense it helped me. It gave me the strength I needed and pushed to be the best me I could possibly be. By the time I was 20, I had my daughter which then in turn meant I had 2 under 2. That has been its own journey in a sense but let me just say, my children are the biggest blessing. I may not go out all the time or party. I may not have a bachelors or have some big wig career. I may have struggled a little and felt like the world was crashing down a few times. My family is my everything. Although it’s is not often, our oldest brought my husband and I back together. We have created this life with our children and grown into a family that is not breakable. As watch our children run through the backyard giggling as they yell mommy, I know this was what my journey was meant to be all along. They light up my world and I’m thankful that this is my life.