To the women whose spouse works nights

To the women whose spouse works overnight, I feel you. I know it can be hard at times and know it can also get frustrating. The long weeks barely seeing each other since you both are on very different time schedules. The lonely nights after the kids go to bed and your honey leaves. The holidays that even though many get off, your spouse has to work time and time again. The stress of juggling life, work, kids, and having a spouse who needs to sleep during the day. Now before I begin, let me just say my husband is a hard worker and I am beyond thankful for all he does for us. He has gone well over 30 hours without sleep at times just so he could have extra time with us or when we have things going on. He is always eager to help and constantly making sure that when he is awake, he is with us as a family. He has given me the chance to be a stay at home mother even when we were right down to the penny’s. He also has pushed me to follow my dreams as a influencer and blogger constantly helping me with photo shoots, running to grab items I need, and helping me organize my ideas. It goes without saying, he truly is an amazing father and husband who works hard every night at work.

Now back to what I was saying… In October 2016 my husband and I were broke. I won’t sugar coat anything, we were hurting and it was hard. We had just moved states and were starting over from scratch. My husband got a opportunity to work an overnight job and took it. That job not only saved our butt, but also began a new chapter for us. Before that job, my husband and I had never slept without each other and I was never home alone with the kids at night. Let me just say, that was a huge adjustment. The first few nights were the hardest. Every sound I heard outside I thought someone was trying to break into our house and I could barely sleep. I also had to adjust to the fact when our son and I woke up about the time my husband would be getting home and going to bed. It took awhile for my husband to adjust and now 2 1/2 years later, I can honestly say it is still hard at times. I can see the bags under his eyes and it breaks my heart because even though I don’t sleep as much as I should, he truly doesn’t on top of working all night. After living this way for 2 1/2 years I will admit, there are a few benefits. One of the biggest is being a little flexible with appointments during the day. If one of our kids has an appointment during the day we plan for it shortly after he gets off work so he can stay up a little with the other while I go or vise versa. But we still struggle on the daily. One of my biggest struggles having my spouse work nights is the activities and holidays. Out of the years I have been with my husband, we have truly only spent one entire Christmas together which was the first year we started dating. Going to activities whether is be community events or even to the lake on a nice weekend day alone with two kids is hard. Not just because I’m outnumbered by two toddlers but because I feel like a piece of me is missing at times. I feel as though we are making memories without one of our most important people, dad. Not to mention the audacity of people who think I’m a single mom with two toddlers and the looks I get. Then there are the moments when I need groceries but my husband only truly gets one full day off since he works nights so I skip out to spend extra time with him after it’s been a trying week. When working your typical day job, you see your spouse a short time in the morning and then for the evening plus two full days off. Some days and weeks at times we see each maybe an hour due to my schedule and him having long nights. It’s hard and off and on, I feel like it pulls at us. Thankfully, both of our kids have almost always known this way of life so it’s nothing new to them. They cherish the day we do get and we always make sure it is kept completely free so we have our family time.

Now everyone may be different, but I will say being a wife of someone who works nights 5 days a week is not easy. Are there far worse situations out in there? Of course. But for the wife and mother going through something similar, I feel you. I feel your pain at times and your struggles on those long weeks. If there has one thing I’ve truly learned since my husband began nights was it is to always find time. Before, my husband and I rarely went on dates. Now, we make sure to go on a date after we put our kids to bed and a babysitter comes at least once a month. We always make sure to slow down even if it is for 5 minutes and talk. We catch up with each other. You only live once and we can not get time back; I truly have learned to live and enjoy every single moment. To cherish even the small times because one day I will look back even at the hard parts in our life and be thankful for not just all we sacrificed but for the fact we stood strong through it and it payed off.

Anyone who else have a spouse work overnight? What is your biggest struggle?

Xoxo

Christian Mulkey

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