Our Marriage: How We Have Survived The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

As a fellow social media influencer, I feel like often I show to much of the “good”. I often scroll down my feed seeing beautiful families and marriages that from the outside, seem absolutely perfect. But guess what? No marriage or family is perfect. We have all at one point gone through a hard time. Are we all perfect in our own special way? Yes, without a doubt. But we all struggle no matter if it’s arguments, financial, trust, heartbreaks, kids, or workloads. I have been scared to open up about our past for awhile until recently when I realized just that, it’s the past. We are no longer who we were 4 years ago. We are most definitely not the same young, immature couple as we once were. So as many have asked, how are you guys so perfect? Your answer is we are not perfect. In fact, we are the opposite of perfect.

The Ugly

When I met my husband we were 18 and 21, young, dumb, and in love. We got pregnant after only knowing each other 3 months and had a LOT of relationship problems. Shortly after we found out we were pregnant, we broke up. Between being unfaithful, not having a healthy relationship, and a whole lot of trust issues as well as some family issues, I honestly thought we were over for good. I remember standing at work(back then I worked at the Sonic Drive In located in Hurst, Tx, wasn’t the most glamorous job) and wondered what had gone wrong with my life. I was broke and a 18 year old single mother to be. My world felt like it was crashing down. I had a toxic home life and felt so trapped, at a standstill of where my life was leading. Then my phone buzzed. It was him… I had avoided him in my thoughts and pushed the pain and hurt to the back of my mind. He started with small talk which then led to little hints. We eventually decided, after he asked, we would sit down and talk. I remember saying I had to work because my family disapproved so much and driving over to the apartments he lived at. Little did I know, that day my life would change forever. Now, we had been through more than most could’ve ever imagined. When we sat down and talked, he made a lot of promises. Did I think he was going to keep them? Nope, not in the slightest. He promised he would step up and be a father. He promised he would be the man he promised from the start. I remember so many telling me not to and that I would regret it. So many told me it would never work out and I’ll be honest, I agreed with them at one point. But I still took that chance. I believe in second chances. My family is proof that second chances are worth taking.

When we got back together things didn’t just magically go back to “normal”. I had trust issues and although understandable, I constantly brought up the past and just couldn’t let it go. In the time we have been broken up it was as if we had both changed. Honestly we weren’t the same people. Not to mention, we were about to be parents and had a lot of responsibility. When our son was born we had a new sense of attachment. We began to grow closer and fall in love in a different, more adult way as we now had a little boy we had created. But we were still just not quite there. We argued, we stressed way to much, we didn’t do things for ourselves but for others(I’m the guilty one there), and often I questioned where life was going to lead us. We didn’t have our own place because we couldn’t afford high rent and it was frustrating to be in a house we both didn’t want to be. Then we broke free. We left the ugly and decided to take the next step for our family.

The Bad

Now, this chapter isn’t all bad. But we had a lot of trial and errors, so to speak. We picked up our family of 3 and moved from Texas to my home state of California with literally only what we could carry. We started from scratch. For the first couple months, we lived in my dad’s spare room and got on our feet. Honestly, that was a whole other type of stress. Although he did so much for us and constantly I look back thinking we would not be where we are today without him, I felt like we were a burden. I was 19 living with my dad trying to pick my life up with my family after a really bad year. A couple months after moving Matthew and I finally tied the knot, surrounded by those we loved in the forest I grew up in. It was beyond perfect and one of my favorites memories. Shortly after, we finally found our own place and moved in. From the outside it looked like things were perfect and going great, but it wasn’t all peaches and cream. Personally I was going through a lot of emotions from the emotional and mental abuse I had lived through for years(that will be a whole other blog, so stay tuned!) and it was finally hitting me. On top of that, I was still learning how to trust even though Matthew had truly changed and kept his promises. I am thankful I have such a understanding and loving husband because I know now that I look back, I am not always easy to love. If that wasn’t enough, it felt like financially we were constantly getting hit with something. Our car kept breaking down, medical bills, or just a good old tight month because for a long time Matt carried all the weight letting me stay home with Macyn. It was tiring and honestly, took its toll on us. Then we faced secondary infertility. My body was not ovulating and after speaking with doctors, they told us the only way to figure out what was wrong and causing my problems were more test which would cost more money. We wanted our kids close in age and feeling like my body was failing honestly hit me. A doctor suggest clomid which assists in ovulation before moving further with tests. After one month we were pregnant. That October we welcomed our second and final baby, a girl. Over the passed 9 months we had truly grown as a couple and a family. Which is where the good starts…

The Good

While pregnant with our second child, we truly began to feel like a power couple. We got closer and grew as individuals as well as husband and wife. We began taking more time for ourselves and focusing on what matters. Matthew got a higher paying job and I began influencing. We learned how to manage our money and in the past year slowly began paying off debt from our move to California and struggles there after. But what’s most important, is we learned communication, trust, and to never staying mad at one another. Do we still argue and fight from time to time? Oh, yes. But we have both learned that it leads no where. Communication is key no matter if you are just dating or have been married for years. When we both calm down, we eventually come to each other and talk it out. We state our sides and we figure it out. If you and your spouse are going through trust issues, lay it all on the table. Be honest but also know the only way to fix the problems are to regain that trust. Trust is a hard thing to come by so when it is broken, it’s really broken. It took well after our marriage for me to fully trust again. Matthew has worked hard to become the man he is today and I’m thankful for that, he is not who he was when we first met. Lastly, never go to bed mad. It late, your mad and he’s mad. I promise it’s worth fixing before you lay down. Matthew and I never go to bed mad, we always make sure that we talk it out and kiss each other good night so when we wake up, it’s a new day and we can move on. We have learned to let the little things go and remember at the end of the day, we are a team. We are constantly working to keep our marriage, not because we are struggling but because you constantly have to work in marriage. We both come from divorced families so statistics are not in our favor. In today’s world, divorce is more common than not. I am thankful for how far we have come and even when most people would’ve give up, we stuck together. We have gone from our bank over drafting and feeling helpless to being stable and growing a savings. We have gone from trust issues and barely hanging on to falling in love over and over again. I think that if you truly love someone, you fight. We have two beautiful kids and built a life even after so many around us told us we would fail. We are not perfect, but perfectly imperfect.

XoXo

Christian